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As I sit at my desk this Sunday morning I am surrounded by the sounds coming from the radio which is permanently tuned to http://www.bbc.co.uk/6music.  Cerys Matthews accompanies most of my Sunday mornings, during which I delight in her eclectic, earthy and yet at times whimsical choices.  I feel we would have so much to talk about if we were to meet.  Her life interests me with its combination of music, travel and family and is one which appeals to my sense of what my life has,in part, been and could it be more fully in my future.

This morning I supported a friend through the first morning post breakup emotions, connected to those I love via Whatsapp and wrote a haiku (badly) which I posted on twitter, followed by checking into social media and reading an article online on psychoanalysis whilst eating breakfast.

The rain which has battered this house pretty much all night has died down and the washed and sodden world is hanging itself out to dry again outside my window.  I look to the west for my weather, it barrels up the Severn Estuary and bounces from one bank to the other as it makes its way to my deck.  I am warm and cosy inside as I watch the sometimes rapid changes throughout the day.

All of this, the feeling of the sheepskin under me with my cushion covered with embroidered birds to remind me I can fly anytime I choose at my back. The rounded arms of my Ercol chair supporting me, the mind and emotion-opening sounds coming from my radio, the nourishing food and tea made in a pot the way I like it in my favourite cup which is locally made and fits perfectly in my hand. The beautiful view onto a fertile and pleasant landscape which has been inhabited by people for the longest times, all of this I have chosen to either bring from my past or to connect with now to create my life right now.

This is my home, my place for as long as it lasts and although it isn’t permanent (I am a property guardian) what I can take from this moment is that no matter where I go I will build a home for me.  I recognise that this is a transferable skill, one I have honed over many house moves with children in tow. I can trust that I do know what I need as I knew what my children needed and that given time and the opportunity to express those needs I will bring beauty, calm and creativity to my life and anyone who shares it with me.

There have been times when I have despaired at the thought of what my future would be and mourned deeply the loss of the home I shared with my family. This morning I know that I have found my home.  It is not based on place or things, it is based on the love I have for my people; my family and friends and for myself.

It is always with me.

It is me.

 

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